okay - I must have *ROCKS* in my head, but I need your help

[TrueColours]

After mulling this one over for a LONG time, I have finally decided in my *spare* :rolleyes: time, I am going to put together a book on the funny and downright hilarious things we all come across with our horses and would love the input of everyone who has some stories to share in the following categories:

1. Breeding
A category near and dear to my heart and I am telling you, the questions and comments one gets from Mare Owners, people on the sidelines watching the process unfold and even vets are pretty darned amusing at times!

2. Training
I posted a little blurb about my Faux Finish filly and how she dealt with poles and the bridle for the first times.
Im looking for amusing stories that you have to share

3. Boarders
Im expecting some downright hilarious stories here !
One of my favorites that I have from way back when was of the boarder that removed all of the brand new oak plank boards from the paddock because Fluffy somehow got scratched and instead of nails, she DUCT TAPED all the boards to the posts! The BO was NOT amused as Im sure you can understand!

4. Barn Owners
Same thing. I have heard some side splitting stories about BO's in the past that really make you shake your head and say "why???"

and finally
5. What Non Horsey People Say?!
Dontcha just LOVE it when a non horsey person sees you "blindfold" your horses and put them outside (interpretation - put on their fly masks!) or when the FedEx man walks in on you cleaning your boy's sheath?!

I DONT want anything along the line of our boarder, Susie Smith, beats on her horse or my BO - Fluffy Acres - dont feed my horse properly.

Also - NO names will be used of any barns, Barn Owners, Boarders, clients, etc. I dont want to know who they are and I wont print any names or specific references either.

I want the funny stories that people just shake their heads at and make them realize that perhaps that boarder that leaves her brushes out just isnt the worst boarder in the world after all!

You can post them here if you want, but I will also need them emailed to me as well, with a disclaimer at the bottom of the email that you give me permission to modify, edit and print your submission along with your name and location (and if you want your name used in the book) or have it listed as simply "Anonymous", Richmond Hill, ON

[email protected]

I am REALLY looking forward to the stories that you all have to tell - I know there are some real dilly's out there!

Thanks very much everyone

[JCBloodstock]

One of the best one's I ever had on the breeding end was we were ultrasounding a mare with the client there no less.We ultrasound at 14 days and altho this mare had a single ovulation she was pregnant with twins.The owner stands there and says twins-why did you breed her twice.We thought he can't be serious-based on the fact he was a farmer from way back but when he pulls a knife and approaches the vet asking what he's going to do he proceeds to tell the vet well make sure you pinch the one that can't run or I'm going to sue everyone here.Bout,a week later I go to the races and had ten people ask me why I bred mares twice because they heard that me and the vet were in a conspiracy to make more money because we had to pinch a twin at ultrasounds.


One classic training one was the one they use on those intern trainers-we had a guy one year-and to be honest he was dumber than a post-he didn't even know what a blaze on a horse was-but he was interning with another trainer in the barn next to mine and he was saddling a gelding one day with a saddle that we had non-chalantly converted the cinch to the shortest one we could find.He goes to the trainer and says he can't get the saddle on.The trainer tells him to come to me and see if I have a saddle stretcher.I say you know,I don't have one but so and so does over in barn 26-the farthest barn away.That trainer proceeds to send him to the furthest barn away again and so forth.Needless to say about a week later he comes walking down our shedrow and I ask him if he's found that saddle stretcher yet.He says,you know I've looked at 2 or 3 but I think there asking to much money for em'-there's another trainer in the barn that had been training professionally for 25 years and he looks at me and says-maybe there is such a thing.I couldn't believe what I heard.

One night before the races,I walk into the neighbors barn and all the way down at the other end of the barn is this white horse tied to the wall-I look at so-and-so and say whose pony horse is that.He goes oh that's so and so's-he decided he was body sore-so he had had used ice tight poultice over 100% of his body.I thought,I want to be the tack man selling this guy poultice.

[Nessa]

One of the best one's I ever had on the breeding end was we were ultrasounding a mare with the client there no less.We ultrasound at 14 days and altho this mare had a single ovulation she was pregnant with twins.The owner stands there and says twins-why did you breed her twice.We thought he can't be serious-based on the fact he was a farmer from way back but when he pulls a knife and approaches the vet asking what he's going to do he proceeds to tell the vet well make sure you pinch the one that can't run or I'm going to sue everyone here.Bout,a week later I go to the races and had ten people ask me why I bred mares twice because they heard that me and the vet were in a conspiracy to make more money because we had to pinch a twin at ultrasounds.


One classic training one was the one they use on those intern trainers-we had a guy one year-and to be honest he was dumber than a post-he didn't even know what a blaze on a horse was-but he was interning with another trainer in the barn next to mine and he was saddling a gelding one day with a saddle that we had non-chalantly converted the cinch to the shortest one we could find.He goes to the trainer and says he can't get the saddle on.The trainer tells him to come to me and see if I have a saddle stretcher.I say you know,I don't have one but so and so does over in barn 26-the farthest barn away.That trainer proceeds to send him to the furthest barn away again and so forth.Needless to say about a week later he comes walking down our shedrow and I ask him if he's found that saddle stretcher yet.He says,you know I've looked at 2 or 3 but I think there asking to much money for em'-there's another trainer in the barn that had been training professionally for 25 years and he looks at me and says-maybe there is such a thing.I couldn't believe what I heard.

One night before the races,I walk into the neighbors barn and all the way down at the other end of the barn is this white horse tied to the wall-I look at so-and-so and say whose pony horse is that.He goes oh that's so and so's-he decided he was body sore-so he had had used ice tight poultice over 100% of his body.I thought,I want to be the tack man selling this guy poultice.

[briarhalo]

Ok Donna......here is one but not sure in which category it would fit. My dear husband.....wonderful man that he is has been quite the source of amusement around the horses. Wish I had had a video this time just not sure where it could air. Anyway, it was either Thanksgiving or easter, only know it was a holiday as it provided quite the entertainment for the family, who are all non horsey by the way. So, hubby and I are doing barn chores and we pause to say hello to the horses. Hubby goes up to my colt who is a 2yr old, still intact. Houston is an orphan so we tend to spend alot of time "playing" around with him. So, hubby is standing there, scratching Houston's neck. I am standing directly behind him and am starting to notice that Houston is quite "liking" this attention(if you know what I mean). Well I happen to mention this to my hubby, that he is REALLY enjoying this! All of a sudden Houston humps his back end twice, snorts, whinnys and flags! Oh my God it was just way too funny! Now bear in mind, my hubby is 6.3, not a little fellow by any means and totally homophobic.......not to mention would never even look at an animals parts.....He dives under the fence with a sheer look of terror on his face. Meanwhile, I am standing there laughing uncontrollably as the tears are streaming down my face. And then there's Houston.....I think if he could have had a cigarette, he would have. Well, to this day, we tease Kevin about the "special" bond he and Houston share. Please forgive me if anyone feels that i was "rude" in sharing this story. Claire

[daraabah]

Claire,

I nearly fell off my chair laughing!!!!
Hilarious!!!!!

This had GOTTA BE PUBLISHED

Daraabah

[briarhalo]

Heehee......I was hoping I could provide the appropriate visualizations....lol. If I could only get me a video camera.....I need to wear it around my neck, there are so many funny situations and some of them just lose it in translation. Poor hubby.....lol.

[nferro9925]

Oh my God! Briarhalo. That is just too funny!
I expected something like this from Pete!!

[henthorn]

Oh, Claire, I'm dying here! I can't wipe the tears fast enough from my eyes to see to type this response. That's hysterical.

[henthorn]

Okay, here are two true stories related to horses at the track.

My trainer was a tough woman that my husband said he wouldn't take on in the boxing ring on a bet. The mare I had claimed was as tough as she, but much less hospitable. The trainer had recently changed to a different vet for her horses, and needed to give "Edna" a shot. The two decided that the trainer would hold her still, the vet would administer the medication, and both would high-tail it under the webbing into the shed-row before Edna had a chance to react with bites or kicks.

All went as planned until the part when both humans were to escape under the webbing. They entered at exactly the same time, and somehow the trainer's hand ended up grabbing for the vet's crotch in the process. Afterward the vet announced that next time Edna needed a shot, he would go it alone; he didn't want to have to fight off two women at the same time.


The first horse I ever owned was a very tall, rangy gelding that we claimed from the track, nicknamed "Rush'n". One day while I was watching morning training hours at the track, I heard the familiar shout "loose horse, loose horse!" When I turned to spot the perpetrator, down the paved street toward us came the obvious silhouette of Rush'n, as fast as he could run. I shouted in horror "Oh, no, that's MY loose horse!"

He ran straight toward the concrete-walled muck bin, and we all held our collective breaths. We weren't sure if he would be able to stop, would slip and crash, or would jump the wall. He threw on the brakes, held his footing, stopped abruptly, and happily presented himself to be haltered. Later, when his racing career was over, he took up jumping walls and obstacles for sport, and was treasured as a locally competitive hunter-jumper for his new owners.